Thoughts, rants, ponderings, etc.
any tws will be in the heading :3
date format is dd/mm/yyyy12/03/2025 - OCD tw mentions of porn, skin picking, death and ocd things :P
It's always nice when my OCD isn't acting up as much, like now. But when it gets bad. Ugh. You know? I just want to talk to people without my brain convincing me I've messed up in an unforgivable way and now everyone's going to turn against, or even kill me. Not to mention it trying to convince me I did something awful but just forgot! I don't mean a misunderstanding either, I mean forgetting brutally murdering someone!!
What?? Its so ridiculous!! No, I did not kill someone. No, someone being "standoffish" does not mean I forgot I killed someone, nor does it mean I made up our friendship in a dream!!! People do not know what I'm thinking by looking at my eyes, and I did not send someone porn!!!! I checked the email 15 times, and I don't even have porn on my computer, especially not in my document folder!!
And skin picking!!!!! My face always hurts and is bleeding, same with my scalp and fingers, not to mention if i get hurt at all!! Like i can run my hand through my hair and get dried blood, often!! No wound, bump or irregularity is left unpicked!!
Though, I guess my OCD was kinda funny as a kid. I would think my dog was secretly a sea monster and was going to get me. I also worried my toys were sentient and would cry when they fell on the floor because I thought they were going to kill me. I thought my Nan was an Evil Creature TM because she'd turn her back to me when I still slept in her room, the reasoning being she was hiding her evil glowing eyes and was, of course, going to kill me in my sleep. I would worry there were spikes under my mattress and if I moved too much they'd kill me.
11/02/2025 - YIPPEE
FAVOURITE FANFIC EVER JUST GOT UPDATED AFTER LONG HIATUS?? AMAZING. WONDERFUL. JOYOUS. (/≧▽≦)/
07/02/2025 - FIREFOX
firefox doesn't support marquee scrolling anymore. sob
23/01/2025 - IM BACK
HI EVERYPONY!! I LIVE!! I meant too work on this a lot over the holidays, but clearly that didnt work out lol
1/12/2024 - Being In The Closet Tw Transphobia
Recently my family have been more openly transphobic and it really sucks. It reminds me that when I come out, they won't love me anymore. It's making me feel really lonely but also really mad. It makes me mad every time they say stupid transphobic shit, because I've told them that what they're saying isn't true.
I've shown them evidence. I've told them that the people they're listening to are just trying to get their money, but they wont fucking listen.
Seeming cool and not woke is more important than their own family I guess. Apparently making that one coworker laugh is more important than me. They'll accept abusers into the family without a word, but a queer? That's too fucking far.
When I come out they're going to be mad, they'll be uncomfortable. They might even call me a liar for keeping it a secret.
My siblings won't even like me anymore.
Every day I listen to them perpetuate lies and every time I remember that they fucking hate me, even if they don't know they do.
